Measure your worth

After being off of here for a few days for a little time well spent with my son and our family, I have done a lot of thinking about what the scale does to us and our self- worth/ self- esteem. Over the past few months, I have consistently lost and gained weight, but have lost 5 inches in my waist. Now, my size 18 pants are quite big on me, and i feel good in my skin...somewhat(besides pants that are too big on me... lol. )Sometimes, the weight on the scale really doesn't matter. I workout and eat right 80% of the time, and my body feels good!!!!! My body feels better than it EVER did when I was starving myself and putting my body through so much torture, trying to be society's version of perfect. For the first time in my life, i don't feel ugly and fat 24/7, 365 days a year. A few months ago, I relapsed into the mindset of restricting my calories and working out for hours at a time, just to lose nothing. I felt worthless and ugly and fatter than ever. Becoming a mama to my beautiful son almost 2 years ago, has made it harder to lose weight, and made the way I see my body, really hard to look in the mirror sometimes. In reality, no mom should feel the way I do sometimes; we should feel beautiful and empowered over what our body has done to create life, but society makes all mothers feel like we should just snap back 100% after they have a baby, or they are worthless. I feel terrible that I have had to put my body through so much, just to finally realize what I have needed to see all this time. You see, my scale has dictated my happiness for SO long(weighing myself 1/2 times EVERY day,) and for the first time in my life, I see where i went wrong.The scale measures weight...not muscle or happiness or love. Maybe that's why I have gained weight on the scale. ;-) I'm more full of love than ever !!!!!!!!!! Yes, I am still overweight, and I still have stuff to work on as far as my weight, but before I can get anywhere, I have to start from the top: the way I think and feel about myself. Berating myself and telling myself I am fat and ugly has gotten me literally nowhere. I wonder what starting to love myself will do. When you look at the scale, what do YOU see? Do you see a big or little number? Or do you see all of the happiness and love and every bit of your life that one body can hold?