Mommy Artiste

          When you have a baby, your first thought is usually happines,tears of joy, and such huge possibilities for that babies' future. You don't think about everything bad that can or will happen. When I had my son, besides the depression, all I could think about was how he was changing my world and how it's just the start of the impact he will have on this world. As he is growing up, with all of these terrible things going on in the world, most people's first instincts would be to hide their child in a bubble in the house and tell them how cruel of a world this is, and that the world outside is dangerous. I can't say that I haven't thought about doing that, for a few seconds. When I think about things, though, I am starting to realize that you CAN'T live your life in fear. If you do, what kind of life is that, constantly looking over your shoulder; waiting for something bad to happen? Holing you and your family up in the house; afraid that if you go to t...

When a celebrity passes away, what is your first thought? Sadness? Heart- break? Unsympathetic? Nonchalant? I'm sure, every person would answer somewhat different. As most people know, Prince passed away yesterday, and it hit most of the world by storm. Some people seemed to act like they couldn't care less, while a lot of people were in utter shock and disbelief. How does a singer make such an impact on the world? Some say he was just another celebrity that everyone has lost their head over. I can't speak for everyone, but I can say this. It is not often that a singer comes around and STAYS amazing and impacts so many people through their music, from the day they start, until the day they die, and even after they pass away. Not only was Prince good looking, but his music...his music was transformative. His music wasn't just "sex music," as most people saw it, but it was many other things. There are a lot of times in my life, that when I think about that speci...

Since "spring has sprung," we haven't had a WHOLE LOT of quality time outside, experiencing what nature has to offer, since it has been cold and/ or snowing/ raining. Today was a bit chilly, but it was too beautiful to pass up. First, Christian wanted to play with his new bubbles, so he got to do that for the first time. When he dumped them on the ground, we decided it was time to try something else, so we played with sidewalk chalk for awhile, until he got bored of that, and we went back to the bubbles. We also explored and looked at flowers and hidden "treasures" in the grass. Today wasn't just about being outside, but EXPLORING, and LEARNING about the big world outside of our apartment. I would say today has been a huge success. Sometimes the most success in a day, is just letting the little ones explore, and let them be little, because as we all know, they are only little for a short while, and you can't remake memories. A flower budding pr...

Dear Best Friend(s),                     I love you, Evil Twin!!!!  You and I have been friends for so long; as long as I can remember. Every big moment in my life, you were in it. Every boyfriend, lost boyfriend, lost friendship, every tear cried, everything. Sounds clich'e, but it seems like everything before our friendship was a blur. Not only have you been my friend, but you have been my sister. There were times that I seriously don't know I would have made it without you. You have talked me out of some of the STUPIDEST stuff, and helped me through some of the worst times of my life. I don't know how many times you told me you would help kill a man who hurt me/ broke my heart/ etc. Do you remember all of the pizza and horror movie nights? All the days we would spend at your house? All of the days we would spend at the bookstore, the mall, the pretzel place, the movies? The na...

They always say that you never know what you have until it's gone. Today, I can honestly say that I am SO SOOO thankful that we didn't have to learn how much we love our son the hard way. A week or so ago, we received a call from the hospital saying that we had an appointment for our son today at 11am. Mind you, we didn't make the appointment, so we called and asked them, and apparently our doctor had set it up because his white blood cell count was low for like the 4th time and they were quite concerned....which usually means something REALLY bad. :'(  As you can imagine, i have been nothing but a bundle of nerves since then. When we arrived to the hospital today, I felt like I was going to puke; I hadn't eaten in 2 days because I was so nervous. Of course, before he could be seen, he had to have his blood drawn and when he was screaming and yelling, I just kept thinking to myself "if this is the start of all of the pokes he is going to get, I am going to cry....

Day 4: draw a place of rest (calm beach) day 5: illustrate your favorite quote day 6: draw a piece of clothing (a beautiful dress) day 7: draw a flower (african violets) day 8: draw something in water

After being off of here for a few days for a little time well spent with my son and our family, I have done a lot of thinking about what the scale does to us and our self- worth/ self- esteem. Over the past few months, I have consistently lost and gained weight, but have lost 5 inches in my waist. Now, my size 18 pants are quite big on me, and i feel good in my skin...somewhat(besides pants that are too big on me... lol. )Sometimes, the weight on the scale really doesn't matter. I workout and eat right 80% of the time, and my body feels good!!!!! My body feels better than it EVER did when I was starving myself and putting my body through so much torture, trying to be society's version of perfect. For the first time in my life, i don't feel ugly and fat 24/7, 365 days a year. A few months ago, I relapsed into the mindset of restricting my calories and working out for hours at a time, just to lose nothing. I felt worthless and ugly and fatter than ever. Becoming a mama to...